How to Choose a Private Family Mediator (Including Virtual Mediation Tips)
Choosing the right mediator is one of the most important decisions in a family mediation process. A mediator’s approach, structure, and experience can directly affect whether sessions feel productive—and whether the final terms are clear enough to actually work in day-to-day life.
This post sets out practical criteria and questions to help choose a private family mediator, with extra emphasis on virtual mediation for people in Grande Prairie, Red Deer, Northern Alberta, and rural communities.
1) Start with the basics: what a mediator does
A family mediator is a neutral professional who helps separating spouses/partners:
identify issues needing decisions (parenting, support, property/debt),
exchange and clarify information,
explore options and negotiate, and
document the terms reached (often as a summary, memorandum, or term sheet).
A mediator typically does not act as “your advocate.” If a party wants advice specific to their situation, that advice is usually obtained outside the mediation sessions.
2) The “fit” question: mediator style and approach
Mediators often describe their approach using terms like the following (sometimes overlapping):
A) Facilitative mediation
The mediator focuses on managing the conversation and helping the parties generate options, without expressing views on likely court outcomes.
Best for: parties who can negotiate with structure and prefer to keep the mediator from “weighing in.”
B) Evaluative mediation
The mediator may provide a reality check about how a court might approach an issue, or identify legal risk areas.
Best for: parties who need help narrowing the gap, where both want a more directive process.
C) Settlement-focused vs relationship-focused
Some mediators focus primarily on reaching clear terms quickly. Others spend more time on communication patterns and long-term co‑parenting dynamics.
Practical point: For parenting cases, some relationship focus can be helpful; for financial cases, structured settlement focus may be key.
3) Experience that matters (family law is not one-size-fits-all)
Consider whether the mediator has experience with:
parenting plans (including high-conflict and “parallel parenting” structures, where appropriate),
support calculations and common income issues,
property and debt division (including pensions, businesses, or rural property),
cases where one party lives out of town (virtual scheduling and logistics), and
safety screening and process safeguards (for power imbalances, family violence concerns, etc.).
4) Process design: what to confirm before booking
A private mediation can be highly effective—but only if the process is clear from the start. Key items to confirm include:
A) Format
virtual, in-person, or hybrid
joint session vs shuttle (separate rooms/breakout rooms)
whether support people are allowed (and under what rules)
B) Time and pacing
typical session length (2–3 hours, half-day, full day)
staged sessions vs one long day
how breaks are handled and whether the mediator will end a session if needed
C) Confidentiality and recordings
whether the mediator’s agreement prohibits recording
what notes are kept and whether they are destroyed afterward
what written summary will be produced, if any
D) Pre-mediation steps
intake calls (often separate) to screen and to plan the agenda
whether the mediator requires document exchange before discussing finances
whether the mediator requests brief written summaries from each party
5) Money and administration: fees, cancellations, and efficiency
Private mediators set their own fees and policies. Questions to ask:
hourly rate vs flat fee packages
deposit requirements
cancellation policy
whether time is billed for reviewing documents and preparing summaries
whether the mediator provides templates (parenting plan headings, term sheet structure)
Practical tip: Even with the best mediator, costs rise when parties arrive without disclosure, without an issues list, or without a realistic agenda.
6) Virtual mediation: rural and Northern Alberta practicalities
Virtual mediation can reduce cost and travel barriers for people who do not have easy access to lawyers or mediators locally. To make virtual mediation workable, confirm:
whether the mediator uses secure video platforms and breakout rooms,
whether the mediator provides a “virtual etiquette” guide,
how documents will be shared (secure upload, email, screen share),
whether each party can participate privately (headphones, separate room), and
what the backup plan is if technology fails (phone continuation, rescheduling rules).
7) Where pay-as-you-go legal support can help
Selecting a mediator and setting up a strong process can be easier with structured preparation.
Virtual, pay‑as‑you‑go legal support can assist by:
helping prepare the questions to ask a mediator (based on your issues),
clarifying what documents should be exchanged before mediation,
providing support calculations so negotiations are grounded in information,
drafting or reviewing a parenting plan or separation agreement after mediation,
translating a “term sheet” into clear, enforceable wording.
Koch Solutions Family Law (Jessica C. Koch Professional Corporation) provides virtual support across Alberta, including Grande Prairie, Red Deer, Northern Alberta, and rural communities.
Consult call: $100. To request an intake link, email jessica@kochsolutions.ca.
8) If mediation stalls: litigation as a backstop
Even with the right mediator, mediation can stall if:
disclosure is not provided,
one party refuses to participate meaningfully, or
urgent child-related issues require enforceable interim orders.
In those situations, court can be the backstop to obtain disclosure, create enforceable structure, and resolve urgent issues. Many cases still settle after a court file is started.
FAQ
1) What should be asked when choosing a family mediator?
Ask about the mediator’s experience with your type of issues (parenting, support, property), their process (joint vs shuttle), pre‑mediation disclosure expectations, how they handle power imbalances, and their fee/cancellation policy.
2) Is a lawyer-mediator better than a non-lawyer mediator?
Not automatically. The best choice depends on the mediator’s training, experience, and process design. Some families prefer a mediator who can provide legal “reality checks,” while others prefer a strictly facilitative approach.
3) Can we mediate virtually if one person lives in a rural area?
Yes. Many private mediators offer virtual mediation, which can be particularly helpful for families in Northern Alberta and rural/remote communities.
4) Do we need financial disclosure before booking mediation?
It depends on what will be discussed. If support or property will be negotiated, early disclosure planning usually saves time and reduces conflict.
5) What if we choose the wrong mediator?
If the process is not working, parties can pause, change the format (for example, shuttle mediation), or retain a different mediator. Court remains a backstop if needed.
Alberta resources
Alberta resources (helpful starting points):
Government of Alberta – Family Mediation: https://alberta.ca/family-mediation
LawCentral Alberta – Family Mediation Services: https://www.lawcentralalberta.ca/en/family-mediation-services-alberta-courts
Parenting After Separation (Alberta): https://www.alberta.ca/pas
Note: Family law and court processes can differ by province and territory. If guidance is needed for a specific jurisdiction, contact a local lawyer or the local courthouse for province-specific information.